Sisterhood Part Deux
Since I posted my Sisterhood entry, I have gotten a lot of feedback on it and I am relieved to find that so many women appreciate & relate to my thoughts. It is a relief to know that there are more of us out there, those of us who genuinely desire close tangible bonds with other women without the bullshit, who crave friendships with substance, honesty and love. We are not anomalies. We exist.
Human beings are competitive by nature. Survival of the fittest. Fight or flight. Etc. However, in this day and age, what do we really need to fight over? There are plenty of men out there. If the one you want doesn’t want you, instead of going to any lengths to win him, remember that there are two very interesting things called self-respect and dignity and try moving on.
I met a cool girl on Melrose over the weekend and we got to talking. She is from Denmark and has been here for 4 years. She hates women here and has only one friend. This made me so sad and as I sat listening to betraying-traitor-bitch horror story after horror story, I felt my Mother Hen instinct come over me and before I knew it I was lecturing her about the importance of girlfriends. I tried to explain to her that by closing off inside, she is robbing herself of the possibility of gaining a true friend. I wanted her to recognize that when you hide behind barriers, no one sees you, you don't even see yourself. What is life without living it? What is gain without risk? What is love without pain? What is contentment without discontent?
Life is equilibrium. Good and the bad. Yin and yang. We take in the good and roll with the punches. Everyone has a sob story. Everyone gets hurt. Buck up, learn your lessons and get on with it. I find the people who use their misfortunes as an excuse to be dysfunctional, abusive, irresponsible or shady to be complete bottom feeders. I just do not have the tolerance for it. As adults, we have a responsibility to ourselves to learn from our past and apply those lessons in productive ways. Not use them to hurt others because we have been hurt. Where’s the logic in that?
Jealousy. The green eyed monster. Girls who are jealous are the most dangerous girls of all. I possess no ability to trust these kinds of girls and from experience have noted that they will do whatever it takes to get what they want and that includes plowing right through their best girlfriends. Obsessed with being prettier, skinnier, hipper, cooler…newsflash: not possible! First of all, we all seek to be cool, hip, thin, pretty and so on and so forth BUT it isn’t a goddamn beauty pageant/popularity contest. As with beauty, all these things are in the eye of the beholder. Someone is always going to be cooler than you, prettier than you, thinner than you so why bother with the rat race of it all? Rise above and find better things to do with your energy.
Accountability. Is this word dead? Is it so hard to expect people to do what they say they are going to do? Could it be that common courtesy is dead? Last time I checked, if someone calls or writes me, it’s my turn. It’s like tennis. When the ball is in your court, what do you do with it? Send it back or get pissed off at the other person when they ask why you aren’t hitting it back? I don’t think that is how the game is played but it seems to have become common practice these days. Well, I ain’t buying it. Is it weird to be offended if someone blows you off or doesn’t return a call/email? Has it gotten to the point where if you confront your friend for not following through on her word that somehow you become the bad guy? Suddenly you are a drama queen or high maintenance? If it has come to this, pass the vodka and make it snappy, Jack.
Trust. We give it so freely and misuse it with the same ease. We can share the greatest of laughs and the darkest secrets with one another and then just drop out of each others lives when we don’t need each other anymore. Not proud to say but I’ve done it. Long ago in my drug days. I have had it done to me...over and over and...heh. It’s always harder to wear the shoe on the other foot though isn’t it. I am grateful for the pain of loss. It taught me by example what kind of friend I don’t want to be. If a diamond is in a raging fire, would u reach in and grab it even though you know you might get burned and it will hurt? Fuck yeah you will. When your trust is reciprocated by another it is that diamond.
Friends come and go but family is forever. What if you don’t get along with your family? What if you don’t have family? Friends can be family too. Men come and go. And when they go with pieces of your heart in the tread of their boots, who is there to stroke your hair when you cry? Who is there to sit on the phone with you for hours listening to you sob and grieve? Who is there to go get ice cream and sit through back to back chick flicks? Who spends the night so you won’t have to be alone? Who drags you out of your slippers and hussies you up for a night on the town after you’ve been a hermit for a month? Your sisters. Don’t ever forget it. Sisters should be and for me are forever.
**And before you go, remember one thing, when you do have the misfortune of getting hurt by a code breaking traitor, remind yourself that it isn't your fault, it's them. Maybe they will get wise and grow up...maybe they won't. All you need to do is move on, dust yourself off, tuck that lesson in the Learned Box and continue on. There are better women out there with love to give. Keep looking and don't lose faith.
Who loves ya? :?)
posted by Rachel @ 11:08 PM
3 Comments:
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