The Fucking Fuzz
I made it to my meeting three hours late. It wasn't my fault. Fucking traffic on the Richmond Bridge backed shit up to no end and I actually have a little sunburn on my left arm from it hanging out the window in the sun for so goddamn long. I notice that my gas guage is on the little orange line. FUCK. Nothing but bumper to bumper traffic for miles. What the hell do I do? So I see a sign shining ahead like the lights of heaven....Last Marin County Exit. EXIT! Fuckin' hot flapjacks! It took me about an 40 minutes to inch the 1/4 of a mile to the exit, the wind feeling oh so fine in my hair as I fly by everyone off the exit ramp...then I notice SAN QUENTIN, RIGHT LANE. What the motherfuck? Shit! And another sign, SAN RAFAEL, LEFT...I don't want to go BACK to San Rafael and start over in that hell traffic....so I went straight, back on the freeway...and fucking got pulled over before I even reached the highway.
What the fuck?! I made a complete stop!
As the motorcycle cop walks up to my car, all I can think is Have you seen this boy? I so wanted him to pull out a picture of a white kid and ask me that question. It would have made getting a ticket worth it. That's an angle cops should use because they are just doing their job. I know this. But no one wants to get a ticket and if you didn't see a goddamn sign that said that you could not go straight, then what the hell?
"License and registration."
"What did I do wrong?"
"You can't go straight there."
"What? Where does it say that?"
"There are two lanes, the right lane has a right turn arrow and the left lane has a left turn arrow. License and registration."
"I didn't see a sign that said I could not go straight. I was running out of gas and had to pull over but didn't see a gas station so I..."
"If you went left you would have found a gas station."
*grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr*
"If I went all the back to San Rafael, I would have had to sit in traffic all over again to get to Oakland. I didn't see a sign saying I could not go straight, I'm sorry, now I know, please could you give me a break?" I even batted my goddamn lashes for the portly fuck (what the hell is a fatty doing on a motorcycle anyway? Isn't that a hazard?) and he gave me a goddamn ticket anyway! ASSHOLE!!!! I took the citation and my shit back and said "Thank you so much for the break Sparky! Have a nice day!" Glaring at him like a 4 year old who just got her favorite toy taken away. I was wishing death voodoo on him and peeled out. Probably not the best idea as I was parked in gravel so my wheels spun in place...I kicked up gravel and dust all up at him. I could see him squinting with his gloved chubby hand over his face looking like Humpty Dumpty with that dumb helmet on and fading in the dust.
Cite that Fucker.
So even though my uncle was a cop, I have decided I hate cops now. After 8 years of a clean record, 2 1/2 weeks ago I got a speeding ticket on my way home from dropping my man at the airport. My son thought this was the funniest thing he has ever seen.
"Oh man Mom you're so illegal. I can't wait to tell Grampa. BUSSSSSSSSSTED."
:?|
I just got the $111 fine for that piece of cunt ticket. No I wonder how much this fucking dickjob ticket is going to cost me. I am poor dammit! Ugh! Now I have to go to Oakland AGAIN in a few minutes to go pick up my Honeypie and I am thinking about taking my digital camera with me and pulling over at that exit again....take some pics of the poor signage and the ticket trap the CHP have there. I am going to go to court and fight this one folks. Don't ever piss off an asian. We bite. Hard.
posted by Rachel @ 6:21 PM
4 Comments:
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