The Red Pleasure Dragon
Being an amateur photographer, I couldn’t let those horrible pics stand. A more tasteful and artistic display of the new boobage:
Ahhhh much better. Hey they kinda look like they could double as a great tv tray too. Nice.
*ahem*
9:04 a.m. the doorbell rings.
*opens one eye*
*goes back to sleep*
*doorbell keeps ringing*
Fucking hell balls!
First of all, waking me up early is not highly advisable. They should have known this. “They.” Meaning the house cleaners. I know. Cool, huh? Yeah well I can’t really afford to have them but fuck it, life is worth stretching things here and there to enjoy guilty pleasures like maid service and a Platinum Digital Cable package.
*flings the window open and yells*
“Who the fuck is it?????”
“Ma’am, it is Brenda’s Cleaning…”
*oops*
When I opened the door I felt an immediate surge of guilt and shame. The sweet-faced Russian girl who looks 14 hurried in with her head down and brother in tow.
*fuck*
“Uh sorry about that…I didn’t realize it was Thursday already.”
*awkward silence*
“Um ok well today not my room ok?”
*nods sheepishly*
*sulk*
I am an asshole.
I crawl back into bed and try to sleep but in the short amount of time I was downstairs, my kitty managed to fall into the toilet and was laying on my pillows.
*sigh*
So I threw the pillows on the floor, wrapped kitty in a towel and layed down…
*eyes fly open*
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!
All of my blood rushed to my head as I realized I left my fucking red dildo in the shower. I heard their footsteps coming up the stairs as I struggled up and tried to race to the bathroom before they could get there. I could have pulled it off if I wasn’t fucking gimped out in boob job recovery! I managed to get there right after they got in there. I very coolly excused myself as I slipped by them, snatched the Red Pleasure Dragon from the shower stall, stuffed it under my robe and glided out as if it was nothing. Did they see it? How could you NOT see a red dildo on the top of the shower slider in an all white bathroom? Borokov, I don’t think we’re in Russia anymore.
Thankfully I had an appointment at the salon just a few short hours later and got to spend the day there lifting and lowlighting my hair to keep my mind off having my housekeepers find my fucking sex toy. Three hours getting my hair done (yes I am a complete color junkie!!!) and then another hour getting my pedicure. I don’t know what it is about salon day…I walk out feeling like I just got laid minus crotchache and sporting a fuck-knot in the back of my head but just as satisfied and relaxed. Times like this, it ain’t so bad being a single parent. Life ain't so bad, so it's hard sometimes...but at least I'm here with him...at least I can do things like this for myself once every seven weeks...at least I can afford a dildo.
Even though I am in pain, taking this week was the best thing I could have done for myself. I have needed to decompress and just have time for myself. I miss my son though. He comes home from vacation at the lake with my folks on Sunday. I can’t wait to see him and I am making an mental note to make sure I remember to always put away The Red Pleasure Dragon after each use from now on so I don't mentally scar my child. Pornscouts Honor.
posted by Rachel @ 6:18 PM
5 Comments:
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