Wednesday, March 24, 2004

When in Rome



The other day someone, who clearly demonstrated a low IQ and hefty amount of emotional baggage, called me a “knocker of cocks”. I found this to be very amusing because knocking cocks isn’t something I typically do (unless by direct request from main squeeze because I aim to please my man). I prefer to be gentle with The Cock, not knock it around. After all, we want to pamper that which gives us pleasure do we not? I don’t want to break it or anything, then I would be sad and would imagine single again.

Anyway, as you know I am moving to LA in a few months and since I am insecure and hungry for approval, I am going to get implants to fit in. When in Rome, right? Hahahaa OK I am just kidding. I have lost a total of 120 lbs over the last 6 years and it has been a struggle, let me tell ya’. I lost and gained, lost & gained, blew out my knees from overextending myself during weight training and finally shelled out 8K and went to Mexico to have my stomach banded in February of 2003. Basically I don’t eat bread, rice, crackers, things of the dry nature and it worked. So after major weight loss, a girl is entitled to a little self-absorbed materialism. I want boobs. Perky full bouncy boobs. Canons. Gozongers. Howitzers. Hoohas. I am going D cups. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I went to my plastic surgeon yesterday and we are all ready to go. April 8th is the day. I am kind of scared because I do not have anyone to stay with me and care for me while I am recovering. I had my ex boyfriend to comfort and care for me the last few times I was through the hospital and although I have a boyfriend now, he lives 500 miles away. Part of me wishes he would insist on being here with me through it but I guess circumstances are just against the idea. Maybe that's one of the reasons I have been feeling so needy lately. Ugh. *shudder* If I say I am needy one more time, someone please bitchslap me.

The irony in this breast aug surgery is 4 years ago he is the same doctor who removed my implants. That’s right, I had implants before. When I was a dancer (nope I wasn’t always fat, I can thank pregnancy and an abusive marriage for that) I got them and when I got fat, they were enormous. Then one ruptured. I remember wondering why I was so bloated and wasn’t that time of the month and then I woke up one morning with a flapjack on my left side. *Aaaaaaaaaaaaaack* Had those puppies removed that week. So now I am coming back to get more put in. I hope when I’m older I don’t end up like the Beverly Hills plastic surgery zombies in Escape from LA.

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