Friday, March 19, 2004

Heebie Jeebies



As I mentioned in my last entry, I went to see a psychic. Um, whoa. Typically I take this sort of thing with a grain of salt. I have had maybe 4 readings in my life and have gone with a friend for fun but this lady freaked me out. I am in the middle of the biggest crossroad in life that I have ever had to deal with. Change of career, moving, new relationship, my son…everything hangs in the balance of my choices and I want them to be good ones. Problem is I second guess myself so much that I get turned around and don’t know which direction to go. I needed some clarity. Why not, right? So I went and after 98 minutes, I came out drained and eyes puffy from crying. It was the best therapy of my life and trust me folks, I have had a lot of therapy in my day.

She did my numerology first. This is based on the numbers in your birth date. Totally accurate. She told me what I have been going through over the last 2 years and that things are going to settle down by next year. The hard work will all start to pay off. Then she asked me why I was there. I asked direct questions without giving too much in formation. Such as, Is my decision to move out of the area the right decision for me and my son? Is my son going to be ok? Is my current boyfriend my soul mate? Etc. Her answers were kind of general at first but then she busted out with some incredibly accurate and detailed information.

It all didn’t really sink in until yesterday and it still is settling. Not only was she completely accurate with what was going on with me and the people in my life but she explained things to me about myself such as my always questioning and second-guessing myself, about people in my life and gave me suggestions on how to cope with it all. There are dynamics in my family that I have perceived for a long time and no one else does but she validated that I am right and that they will never change and the situation will always be toxic therefore putting distance there is important. She validated that my move was a good decision for me and my son but that she doesn’t see me being in LA forever, she sees me there for a while and then moving on somewhere else, not back up north, not near LA, possibly out of state; which I highly doubt because I have never had the desire to move out of California. She said I will do this with my Forever Mate.

She gave me exercises to do to deal with my feelings and attain closure with those in my life who cannot give me what I need such as my mother. In a sense, she showed me a way to let go of my desires/expectations of what I need from others and accept them as they are or let them go. As far as friendships go, I asked her if I was too militant with the way I deal with those who I see red flags from. She was adamant about letting me know that I am absolutely doing the right thing for myself and that my intuition is never wrong. If I continue to allow negative people in my life, the negative energy they produce will hinder me from growing and channeling positive energy from the Universe. (I know this sounds so hippy dippy but I am identifying with it because I believe this lady is the real deal.) She explained to me that I am in a very important and intense time of change and reflection in my life. I need positive energy around me and need to trust my instincts. I desire quality not quantity which is so true. She said that the people who I sense are not viable relationships are not bad people but at a different place spiritually and I simply must move on from them. This is kind of hard for me to believe in because I feel very strongly about being accountable for your actions and words. I have very low tolerance for people who are jealous, two-faced, shit talkers, manipulative and selfish. I find these people to be the bottom-feeders of the social world but she’s right, this creates bitterness and negative energy so I need to simply dismiss them from my life and move on without engaging in (thereby feeding) their negativity.

She said that I am a light healer which means that I was meant to be of service to others in some way, involved in healing and that I had a strong 6th sense about others. Trust it always she said. This trips me out because as you know, I have spent the last 3 years struggling through college while working full time and raising a little boy so that I can one day become a psychologist, specializing in self-esteem, weight issues and sexual dysfunction. She said that my change in career is needed so I can focus on myself and my son but that I should not turn my back on my soul’s desire to heal others. She suggested I get my certificate in a healing procedure specialty such as hypnotherapy. She also suggested that I incorporate healing techniques in my real estate practice such as learning feng shui and blessing the homes for my clients. I will be successful in whatever I put my mind to she said because I am a strong soul and have many angels with me all of the time, watching out for me. This is a little freaky because I don’t like the idea of a bunch of invisible people hanging out while I take a shower or a dump or do the nasty, ugh, or when I do the nasty by muhself. It is well, quite frankly, a mood killer.

She said my son is smart and very sensitive. He needs me and needs me to be with him. I knew this already and what kid doesn’t need their parent right? But she went on to say that for the last three years (the exact time I have been in college and working mind you) I have been so all over the place and stressed that I haven’t been present. This is SO true. She said this is a time of attaining patience and peace.

She said that my boyfriend and I are soul mates who have been lovers in a past life and also comrades in arms in another (which is weird because we love to watch war shit together). She said that we all have numerous soul mates; we all have soul groups, people who we always connect with in each of our lives. One life, you may be Father-Daughter, in other lovers, in another business partners but we always find each other in each life and continuously learn from each other. She said if you are with your soul mate, that doesn’t mean you are destined to be together forever. She told me all about the three things that make me doubt our longevity as a couple. This freaked me out because all I asked was Is my current boyfriend my soul mate? Then she asked what his full name was and thought for a minute…she looked at me with a smile and said “He truly loves you, ahhhhh, he has a good, good heart…he truly SEES you, for the first time a man really sees you.” then she went on to describe my deepest fears about our relationship. It gives me chills to think about it even now. She said her visions are not set in stone, things can always change, it just takes a choice but that choice has to be made b y him. I cannot fix him or make him change he will need to do that on his own or he lose me eventually. This makes me deeply sad because on one hand, she gives me good news about the one thing I have desired since I was a little girl…I have found my soul mate. Even better news, he loves me genuinely and unconditionally. Furthermore, he sees me for who I am completely but oh hi, here’s the inevitable “BUT”… there are three problems that if not overcome, will ultimately doom our relationship. But she also did say that if he did overcome these issues, we would be Forever Mates. I really truly hope the latter will come true because I’ve never known love like this and I can’t fathom the sorrow and despair of not being with him. In any event, she told me that we both will learn huge things from each other about ourselves and life. We will be landmarks in each others lives forever.

Am I taking her words as gospel? No. Am I going to let what she told me dictate my actions? No. What did I get out of it? I got the clarity I was seeking, it has given me the validation that I needed and I gained a positive perspective with which I can effectively use to put my plan into action without doubting myself.

If you’ve made it this far, you either think this is really interesting or are laughing your ass off that I am buying into it. Either way, one thing I hope you take from this entry is to appreciate what and who is in your life at this moment. Honor them, don’t take them for granted because we all meet for a specific purpose, to learn from each other.

So have a nice day my friends...I am going to go grow my armpit hair out now and buy some Birkenstocks.

posted by Rachel @ 1:00 PM