You are the woman I trust...and it's candy.
You know, between work, school, homework, my kid, the manfriend, friends and traveling up & down the great state of California on the weekends, I hardly have time to write here and it’s starting to piss me off. I bust my ass all week long, I give and give and give, is it too much to ask to have one little vice, one small thing that is just mine, on my terms and no one else’s? Is it so much to ask to get a little ME TIME up in here? A few weeks ago, if you would have asked me if I would have considered this as being "me time", I probably would have laughed in your face. Funny that it has grown on me so much and even though there are like 4 regular readers, I love you guys *sniff sniff*...see, I'm getting all misty now.
Is it a bad thing to be laying in post-coital bliss beside hot man flesh and suddenly becoming overcome with an incredible desire to sashay you’re just-been-laid ass down to the computer to BLOG?? One would think one would want to lay in arms of said hot man but no, all I could do was think about how long it had been since I could blog. Where the fuck does the term “BLOG” come from anyway? It sounds like some bad B movie THE BLOG *insert overacted café latte curdling scream* or some incurable venereal disease.
I like to think of myself as a fairly empathetic person, I mean, come on, I am going through 8 years of college to be a goddamn psychologist for krissakes but I find myself being tickled by other people’s misfortune such as the people who get the crotch of their pants soaked with the 5 billion ton water pressure airport bathroom sink faucet…or when people trip when hustling by on their merry way…or the fact that my boss had shoulder surgery last month and has been walking around with his arm bent in a 90 degree angle and perched on this surgical pillow which resembles a breast feeding pillow that is strapped to him with enough Velcro to restrain King Kong. I know it’s bad but every time he walks by my office, I have to snicker inside because it looks so goddamn ridiculous. It’s almost as bad as head gear kids with braces had to wear before braces got all high tech and as costly as buying a Geo.
Speaking of kids, last Tuesday I took my son to the roller rink where he got to hook up with about 10 baby-chicks in his class for inline skating and Red Light Green Light. Man, that kid is quite the ladies man! They all ran over to him and started their high pitched hen clucking before he could even get his roller blades on…oh sorry, inline skates , ‘scuze me, they aren’t roller blades . Sheesh, when did I become unhip? As per instruction of my little person, I stood on the sidelines in the shadows where kids who don’t want to be embarrassed by the presence of their elders put their parents with a guy who looked like Mr. Lehman, my 7th grade Spanish teacher. There was whole hell of a lot going on in my little head. First of all, this is the very same roller rink which was the pinnacle of my prepubescent social life. The very same roller rink that my 13 year old reasoning skills settled on being the lucky location for my first ever overindulgence of alcohol resulting in my barfing all over my skates and the southeast corner of the rink right in front of Tony White, the cutest 8th grader that ever was. Death and destruction to the musical stylings of Def Leppard. As I was strolling down Memory of Teenage Horror Lane, kids were swooshing by me all smiles, laughter and the overproduced stylings of Linkin Park filled the air…then a terrible slamming of bodies and plastic wheels and I was front row. It was fucking great (and don't worry, no kids were hurt in the making of this recollection). 8 kid pile up and I am still kicking myself in the arse for not having a camera. My knees literally got weak as I doubled over in laughter while watching these kids’ faces morph from joyous smiles to “Oh crap! O faces” when they saw the kid in front of them topple over and eat shit in front of them, whirl their arms backwards while leaning back like some Charlie Chaplin skit and then inevitably ramming straight into the pile o' tots. Mr. Lehman did not approve of my obvious amusement but I really couldn’t help it. I still cannot refrain from impending chuckling when my memory processors flash these images in my mind’s eye. What was my horror to Def Leppard is this generation’s horror to Linkin Park. See, it all cycles through for all of us and that makes me feel a little better about getting older because man, I tell ya', you couldn't pay me with all the tea in China to go through it again...once was enough!
Thursday was eventful as I had dinner with my best friend who I have known for 14 years yet have not seen but once since my ex and I split in November. I have really missed her even though she has hurt me deeply. But what is life without forgiveness right? It was really good to see her and catch up on things even though she seemed a little uneasy when I mentioned the new boyfriend. Funny. Everyone loved my ex even though they all now admit they knew he wasn't for me. What is that? I mean, yeah he was a nice guy and he was great with my son but a.) he had no style, b.) he wasn’t very sharp (which I know can be shallow but come on, my 6 year old can spell might , it’s not mite. Ugh c.) he didn’t light the fire on the mattress if ya know what I mean, d.) he was not ambitious (I could give a shit about money but I want passion in my man, passion for life in general and that includes what he wants to do with himself, don’t just be content sitting on your ass at a job you hate, strive to better yourself and pursue what you are passionate about, now THAT is fucking hot), e.) he had no backbone (gotta have a man who can be a man sometimes…a guy who can be your partner and friend and lover but who isn’t afraid to take you over his knee once in a while *ahem*) and f.) he wasn't romantic...in 4 years we never had an "our song"...it took him a YEAR to tell me he thought I was pretty even though I had to coach him along the way... we never had one slow dance...we never gazed into each other's eyes passionately or shared a slow motion movie kiss..I never regressed to age 14 in the light of my infactuation drawing hearts around our initials...no fire whatsoever and who wants to live without that? When I finally broke it off with him, most of my friends and my entire family were stunned which perplexes me because I had been airing my unhappiness and feelings of emptiness for a long time…this just goes to prove the In one ear and out the other phrase. I met my current boyfriend online while I was in this relationship and we became “internet friends”. We both knew it was not tangible for us so we settled on friendship and I even set him up with some of my LA girlfriends. Having so much in common and gaining a great deal of respect for him as we both share web design and Photoshop interests, I spoke of him on occasion so people knew about him but thought nothing of it. Well, still having problems with my current boyfriend, I went to LA to visit my friend for a weekend getaway. That’s when we met in person and that’s when I knew it was love at first sight. I already knew in my heart I was in love with him as a person so if you were wondering if people can fall in love via the internet, the answer is Yes. Vehemently Yes. Knowing that I could feel this way for someone else, I knew I couldn’t be in love with the one I was with so I broke it off. I felt it was the right thing to do rather than cheat on him to remain in the security of a long term relationship. I still don’t feel bad about it but apparently some people are more secure in hypocrisy than unconditional support of a friend and some people are still upset with me even though it wasn’t them I broke up with. She has been one of them, her main premise being that I was “rushing into another relationship” even though, last time I checked, that was my business and my life to live therefore, your point is what? Would you prefer that I am out banging random guys or that I be alone earning Spinster status? Why be mad at me and make it personal between us? If anyone can explain this to me, I sure would like to hear the logic behind this way of thinking. I have supported my friends through everything, some of which I morally did not agree with but I have always had a strong belief in a code of sisterhood. This sisterhood is defined by me as follows:
I don’t think it’s a bad code to follow nor too much to ask for from fellow sisters, do you? Alas, the world of feminine existence is a sordid and convoluted one now isn’t it? So much cattiness and backstabbing and for what? Hormones? The pressure to be thin and beautiful? Some human instinct for competition for the strong alpha male? Or is that down deep we are all really bisexual and fight these desires therefore resulting in freak projections of offbeat emotion? Yeah, I think we all should just like do it and get it over with already.
posted by Rachel @ 7:39 PM
3 Comments:
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