Popping my Blogging Cherry
So this is my first entry. My devirginization...great and I'm popping my cherry alone for the second time. Twice in one lifetime, who woulda' thunk it. Hey, it's not my fault, my mom didn't understand that tampons and hymens didn't get along.
I feel like there should be a christening party or something. Hey any excuse for the overconsumption of alkihawl and the blackouts that go hand in hand with it is a good excuse in my book any day of the week. Speaking of alkihawl, I found my new favorite drink: Schmirnoff Ice with a shot of Midori in it. Yeah it's green, yeah it's a malt beverage, yeah it is in the category with wine coolers and Zima but I don't care dammit. I'm still hardcore so fuck you.
I was going to take the day off to do cool things like go back to bed after dropping MiniMe off at school, get up at a ridiculus early afternoon hour, fart around the house, get a pedicure, pick up my new laptop *joy joy i think i'm wet joy*, go to my hair appointment and see how many colors she can weave through it this time...but no, I get a call at 8:20 informing me that a body was found in one of the apartments I manage. Great. So i have to come in to learn that not only was this body a tenant but that he has been there decomposing for 3 weeks...guess I don't need to serve that 3-day notice to pay rent or quit now, eh? Wonder what I am supposed to do with his security deposit? Think my boss would notice if I made the refund check out to myself? I mean, the guy is dead, he doesn't need it...my boss has enough money...I'm the one who's broke. Sound plan in my eyes. Damn skippy.
So, another few hours and I will be able to get the above done minus the sleep in part but hey, I'm a single parent, like gratuitous amounts of sleep are really part of my life anymore. Pssshhhhhh nigga please. One good thing about this is I read in the LA Weekly (why is that there are like 8 pages of cosmetic surgery ads in the LA Weekly? Breast implants for $2,300?? Do they use peanut oil or something? Does the guy perform the surgery in the back of his SUV? I mean how can they afford to do offer these surgeries so cheap? Fucking scary I tell ya.) that they have laser treatments for dark circles now. Whoa! No more looking like I live on 5 hours of sleep a night? Sweet? How much? Twenty billion dollars? Sweet, I'll take the implants.
Oh great the detective called again...what more can I tell this dude?
"Yes he is still dead."
More news at 11....have a nice fucking day.
posted by Rachel @ 10:34 AM
4 Comments:
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2017.7.7
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