You are Circus...I am the Freak
Hi kiddies! Miss me? *GRIN*
My boyfriend and I love Mike Patton. Big fans. For those of you who don’t know who he is, he was the 2nd singer of Faith No More, the one who took the band worldwide and on MTV. I guess their most main stream song was Epic in which a fish flops on the floor…*ahem* Anyway, so Patton is always in at least 2 bands at a time so my main squeeze tells me about this new project he is doing called Lovage. Oh man. Fucking love it. I can’t stop listening to it. I always do this with music, I’ll listen to it until I can’t stand it and have to put it away for a while. Maybe I am obsessive compulsive. All I know is they do a kick ass cover of Berlin’s “Sex (I’m a…)” I am a sucker for a good cover song. A really kick ass band back in the day did a fucking great cover of Aretha Franklin’s “Chain of Fools”, still one of my all time faves…that and Stone Temple Pilot’s cover of Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar on Me”.
*ahem*
So in the professional corner, I had a deposition all morning today for this bullshit lawsuit we have with big conglomerate telecommunications company who broke their lease early and wouldn’t pony up for rent and damages. Their attorney was so fucking monotone and dry that I literally had to keep pinching myself to stay awake.
“Yes that is my signature.” I must have said this sentence 50 times.
Bored out of my mind, feverishly craving some mental stimulation, I took it upon myself to grill the court reporter during breaks. I start bullshitting with her (very foxy older gal by the way who had the deepest grey eyes, they literally were smoldering) and asking her questions about her job.
“So you must see some crazy stuff from time to time huh?”
*grins at me*
“C’mon do tell.”
She leans in and tells me about this deposition she was reporting for a divorce and it got so heated, the wife dove across the table and started choking the husband! And another time she said that she was reporting for some rich guy’s drug possession case and he actually pulled out a joint and asked “Mind if I smoke?”
Good times.
The deposition was being held in my company’s conference room and the owner is an avid hunter. Redneck from Iowa. I asked her if this was the first time she had been in a conference room with stuffed heads on the walls. She laughed and said Yes. Toto, we may be in Kansas.
I have been trying to get this crazy woman out of my low income housing building for the last six months. That’s right. Six motherfucking months. What the City created to battle Slumlords, has turned into a weapon to screw Landlords out of rent money. Anyway, so this broad was initially being evicted for nonpayment of rent and then complaints started coming in from other tenants. She had taken to wandering around in the hallways banging on doors and demanding money for rent from everyone who opened their door.
:?|
She would not allow access to the banker’s inspector while we were doing our refi and finally she started sending me hate mail with racial overtones. She had never seen me before but was referring to me as a Chinker loving American who cares not for the smell of her own building. Um, you are asian and so am I, Captain Stupid.WTF. So FINALLY the Sheriff comes to evict her and she had installed THREE dead bolts on her door. Posted a poorly scrawled sign on her door that read “No entry. Security cameras inside!” Once the door was unscrewed from it’s hinges, she threw herself on the floor and tried to handcuff herself to the bathroom sink’s pipes. She slipped and hit her head on the sink and started screaming that she was going to sue for disability and negligence. Yeah it’s OUR negligence that you are a PsychoHoseBeast. Psssshhhhhhhhhh. Handcuffed properly by the Sheriff, she was being escorted out in the elevator and turned her head over her shoulder and gaily said Hello to my field manager. He could not believe it. The same woman who was holding onto the doorknob as he pried it off the hinges and who was cursing him to Hell was now offering salutations? Unbelievable.
posted by Rachel @ 4:16 PM
3 Comments:
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