Not your typical week
I know all the talk of adults discovering they had ADHD is trite and overdone but seriously people, I have it in a bad way. This is my excuse for my hugely retarded posting lapses. For some godforsaken reason, Blogger takes forever to load (heh - I said "LOAD") and my ADHD ass gets frustrated while waiting the 45 seconds (forever in cable modem time) for the new post page to load so I end up on Myspace or looking at porn or websurfing to some weird place filling my head with complete useless information like in 1972 the Plymouth Road Runner came stock with a 400 horsepower engine. *ahem*
Monday night I went to The Roxy with my friend Kelly to see a band called Metalskool and I have to say they kicked ass. Being someone who lived the hair band days when it spawned up in the loins of Hollywood, they nailed it to a tee. Part favorite hair band cover tune done to perfection and part comedy show where they rail each other as much as the crowd, they were so fun, I will go again. That says a lot for a club prude like me who needs only one semisucking experience to decide to never experience the suckiness again. The Roxy itself, as famous as it is, sucks as a live band venue. It is small and intimate which I like but come on folks, you've been here the better part of what 30 years and you still can't get a decent ventilation system in there? Two kamakazi shots and a MILLER LITE cost me $23...they charge this highway robbery all week year round and they can't spring for some motherfucking AC? PAHLEEEAAAASE! But for MetalSkool, I will sweat off my makeup and endure hyena B.O. once more. Hell maybe even twice.
After the show, I went to my boyfriend's apartment and being 2:50 am and located in the heart of Hollywood, I had to park in Guam. With my bag in hand, wig on tight, false eyelashes blowing in the wind, a scary man on a bicycle started riding next to me on the sidewalk as I was making the trek up the hill.
Scary man: "Damn girl...you lookin' fiiiiiine."
Me: "Thank you." *Looking directly at my shoes as I walk briskly up the street in my 5"
platforms.
Scary Man: "You got some body...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..." He rides his bike directly in front of me, cutting my path off at which point I stop and quickly step around him with a tad but more hussle.
Me: "I'm married. Please leave me alone."
Scary Man: "I love me some married women." Blocks me with his bike again...at which point I start to panic inside. I walk around him again.
Scary Man: "Mmmm less obligation...yeah love me married women." Blocks me again at which point I step back and dig in my back frantically for my cell phone.
Scary Man starts rides about 20 feet ahead of me and stops.
Scary Man: "You pullin out a gak? You a cop?"
Trying to play it as cool as possible while feeling like I was going to have a goddamn ripper, I get my boyfriend on the line and he is literally outside in 45 seconds. He must've jumped off his balcony to get there so quick. As soon as Scary Man sees boyfriend, he takes off his shirt and proceeds to tell him that I am trippin blah blah blah as he rides his bike faster up the hill. It was ridiculous really. Scary Man turned Pussy Boy in a matter of a second. I was notably shaken and remained tweaked for a good half hour. All I was thinking when he was cutting my path off was "I don't know what to do...omg what do I do?!" So because of this, I have decided to start taking kung fu lessons. My brother is really into it, I got to meet a few of his instructors at my housewarming party so I feel pretty positive about it. I already decided to commit my son to it and my boyfriend has been passionate about it for years so the natural progression would be that I incorporate it into my own life as well. I don't want to be the pussy in the house...well, you know what I mean.
So after that little setback, my boyfriend and I emerged ourselves a 5 day long visit matched only by Sid & Nancy. I won't incriminate myself further but I will share this, it was so crazed and fun that one morning we ended up in a porn shop at 7:30. Hell, I didn't even know they were open that early! And like Forrest Gump says...that's all I have to say about that.
Tomorrow...errr later today technically, my mother is bringing my son down from his extended summer vacation in the Bay Area. I have to say, as time away from the daily responsibilities of single motherhood grew, I became more and more selfish and gluttonish...ok since my party, a downright lazy motherfucker. Naturally I am ecstatic to have my son home with me later today but there is that teeny tiny part of me that is really going to miss the glorious freedom. It was a nice big juicy treat to come and go as I please, go out on the spur of the moment, SLEEP IN til noon (AHHH THE BLISS), an extended period of glorious Spongebob/Fairly Oddparents/Teen Titan-Free tv time...but alas...I miss my sweetfaced boy. I even miss his shotgun 5 questions per minute stints. I can't wait to see him and give him the biggest hug he has ever had and once I get him in my arms, I am sure that teeny tiny selfish side will be squashed forever.
posted by Rachel @ 2:23 AM
4 Comments:
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2017.7.7
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