The Long and Short List
For Pisser (adult content - must be over the age of 18 to view or big scary men in FBI uniforms will break down your door):
The Drildo
Hey she asked...
*ahem*
15 Reasons Being Home Rocks:
1. Free meals
2. Built in sitter
3. Laundry service
4. No rent/mortgage payment
5. No bills in general (other than your ridiculous credit card bills because you are too goddamn weak to quit charging mindlessly on hiphuggers and fuck me strappy shoes)
6. Hugs
7. Nostalgia
8. Humility
9. Fresh sliced fruit and berries over ice cream with whipped cream and hazelnut creamed decaf every night while watching Cold Case Files
10. Ruling Monopoly
11. Teaching your korean mother how to moonwalk
12. Laughter
13. Snuggling in bed with your mom and your 6 year old kid while watching Jackie Chan movies
14. Aggravating your dad by pinching him really hard with your toes
15. Having a chance as a grown up to feel like a kid again
10 Reasons Being Home Sucks Because There Just Ain't 15
1. Vibrator is too loud so are forced to go manual thereby risking carpal tunnel
2. Boyfriend visits end because no where to bring him since father is as strict as he was when you were 14 (it's been a MONTH since I've seen my boyfriend and I am about ready to hump doorknobs at this point)
3. Phone conversations are out of the question because cannot risk questionable content being overheard by eagle eared parental units and no one can hear you whispering in a goddamn cell phone
4. Can almost hear thighs getting fatter from free meals and fruity ice cream every night
5. Mother walks in on you while you are on computer editing photos from recent photoshoot at exact moment you are editing out your beaver (total unintended mishap - must remember to give panties another go) and becomes convinced you are entering the dark world of pornography
6. No pornography
7. Can't have girlfriends over to watch pornography and make some of own
8. Being treated like a kid when you are clearly a grown up
9. Unexplained spooky teenage-like acne outburst
10. Realizing how much you are going to miss your folks when you move 500 miles away from them
posted by Rachel @ 11:17 PM
3 Comments:
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