Eat My Ass CoinStar
Message from the CEO
"Our mission is to create and deliver technology-based, consumer-focused services that enable people to save time and money, and simplify their lives. Through an innovative spirit and strong company values we continue to deliver on this mission."
My ass.
More like:
‘Our mission is to create and deliver technology that is unreliable and faulty, consumer frustration and stress that enable people to go into a facility with the intention of getting cash for their change and leaving with a police escort. Through a lackadaisical spirit and little work on our part we continue to deliver on this mission.’
I went into Safeway with a big ass plastic animal cracker container FULL of change and lugged it over to the Coinstar machine. It chugged along and we were sitting there watching the total rise up to $260.11 and then it kept saying CHECK TRAY which was empty. I kept pushing the start button and nothing. Start. Nada. Fuck.
I stop a guy and he calls someone over. THREE ladies show up and start tugging at the guts of this machine, my change spilling out everywhere. After 15 minutes, they finally get all my remaining change back into the plastic container and then try to get it to print my receipt. Which it won’t. Perfect.
The conversation between the two ladies went something like this:
“Goddamn machine. This is the third time today.”
“I can’t believe how jammed this thing gets.”
“I am going to take a hammer to this thing!”
*laughs*
“It won’t print?”
“Nope.”
“Well tell her to come back tomorrow.”
“She has to come back within 24 hours or the ticket is no good.”
*record scratch*
TICKET NO GOOD?
I interject…
“Umm excuse me but did you say the ticket will be no good after 24 hours?”
“Yes that’s right.”
“So, you just keep my money if for some reason I can’t get here by 10:30 tomorrow morning.”
*Mental note: Only ever do important things involving money in the afternoon.
“That’s right.”
“Um I don’t get the logic in that.”
“Lady, I don’t make the rules.”
OK Broom Hilda.
Sheesh.
They FINALLY get my change out and get me a fucking ticket. A total of 40 minutes at this point has now been spent standing at the Coinstar machine, listening to Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum peck over the machine.
“You can cash this out at any check stand.”
Whips ticket out of her dirty hand and storms off to check stand. Naturally there is a freak of nature line from hell at 11:10 in the morning on a Monday in Safeway. I take a breath and choose the slowest moving line.
Of course.
I am almost to my limit at this point and am literally biting my tongue as my son was happily kung fu fighting with his Bruce Lee gloves. (Bruce Lee wore gloves?)
The back of my eyeballs were starting to ache. This is a surefire sign that Satan is near.
After what seemed like another 40 minutes, I get to the checker, hand him my ticket and he smiles at me…
“Oh sooorrrrry hooonnnnn, I can’t cash this. You’ll have to go to Customer Service.”
Across the goddamn market.
Through my teeth, “The lady over there told me I could cash this at ANY check stand.”
“Riiiight and you can but they just cleaned me out.”
I wanted to bust his yellow teeth into the back of his face.
Customer service was no better. I had to wait for a Mexican guy to rent a Rug Doctor steam vac and he spoke no English, the lady spoke no Spanish. So with my extensive Spanish education, I intervened and tried to interpret.
Not the best idea.
When already frustrated.
I ended up swearing at her because he was trying to tell her that he didn’t have a driver’s license to leave with her. A friend drove him. He had no credit cards and wanted to pay cash.
“He doesn’t have a fucking credit card. He wants to pay with goddamn cash!”
The manager came.
He chased out my ticket and escorted me out of the store. OK so wasn’t police escort but close.
Next time I have to go to a market and am not getting prompt service, all I have to remember to do is start swearing and the manager will take care of my transaction AND walk me to the door.
What a gentleman…and they say chivalry is dead.
*SMIRK*
posted by Rachel @ 2:18 PM
4 Comments:
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