ground control to rachel...earth to rachel...come in...over.

Knocked the fuck up yo

So yeah, I am pregnant. Not planned but thrilled nonetheless. I thought I was done having kids, thought my son would be an only child and I would only have to suffer the horrors of pregnancy and childbirth once. Alas, that is not my fate. I am eight weeks and have been feeling like holy hell for all 8 of them. I knew immediately I was pregnant eventhough the first two tests came out negative. Aside from the morning sickness that spans from waking to sleep, I have this lovely creepy skin crawly feeling, mood swings, heightened sensitivity and am constantly tired. I already am not fitting into my clothes and had to go maternity shopping. Who the fuck makes these clothes? Somehow I will find a way to make them cool and yeah I looked online and while couture ultra low rise washed denim jeans are cool looking, I am not paying $250 for them. Old Navy Maternity is my not so fashionable friend. Oh and the acne and burping. Not only do I get to get fat again, I get to have zits and belch. I won't have to worry about fears of sex during pregnancy because at this rate, Sean finding me attractive is as likely as him parting the Red Sea. But alas, in another 7 months, this baby will be out of my body and I can enjoy him/her. Don;'t get me wrong...I value and appreciate this baby more than anything but truth be told...being pregnant sucks.

I feel like I suddenly went into some weird social exile as no one calls or emails anymore wanting to get together. Suddenly, I am an alien that people don't understand. Thank God for Sean. I am lucky enough to have a man who adores me and is very understanding of my condition. He rocks but alas, I am going fucking stir crazy. So I turn to my art.

For the last few months I have been working on my Retrotica book and I am burnt out on it. I love the project but I am tired of shooting the same thing and I needed to get back into my art. Free from direction or purpose. Just let it take shape. That is what the last several pieces have been about. Freeing myself from a self imposed label. I do not want to be a pinup photographer or a fetish photographer. I despise all of the hype and scene that comes with either of those labels. I just want to be an artist. I am getting back to my core as an artist. The dark air is sexy to me. It is romantic. Weird things are intensely romantic to me like telling Sean we are doomed to be together and a lyric in a song that says "I come up only to pull you under". Makes my heart warm.

I decided I am going to shoot every single girl on the books on green screen, just one set on chromakey so I can revisit them later and create so I don't pigeonhole myself into one thing again. I need diversity to maintain inspiration.

That makes me soul happy.

posted by Rachel @ 5:25 PM