ground control to rachel...earth to rachel...come in...over.

I don't know if I ever came out and said it but the problems I have been experiencing with my now ex-boyfriend for nearly two years are due to addicition. I found out early on about his addiction and have gone through every possible role from nonconfrontational supportive girlfriend to turning a blind eye for the sake of status quo to no drugs or the highway to can't beat em join em to finally, recovery or addicition without me. He chose the drugs. Again. For the last time. Even after I made him move out, I have been tethered to him emotionally. It is amazing what you overlook and rationalize when you love someone. Nothing dictates any sort of clarity or logic when love is involved. Love is blind. But love for yourself has to always come first. I get that now. And to love myself is to protect my son. Naturally I would have never tolerated addiction in front of my son but there was a reason they didn't bond in the six months he lived with us. Because he couldn't do drugs here, he just started drinking heavily. Then, in the end, he started bringing it home. Now, I have removed myself from his life in the physical sense. I will not see him. I will correspond with him but I am not strong enough to see him or else I fall right back into being intimate with him. Naturally, I mean, despite it all, I love him...so I bought him this book on recovery. We share the same school of thought in that no one can help you but you. We both think support groups like AA and NA are crap. Personal opinion, if it works for you...great! So I gave him the book and he is reading it. I read the website...geez, I wish I found this two years ago. So, in the event anyone else is struggling with this problem, I thought I would spread the word...http://www.rational.org

This bit is especially helpful for anyone who is suffering through a loved one's addiction: http://www.rational.org/html_public_area/family.html

All the best!

posted by Rachel @ 9:32 AM