ground control to rachel...earth to rachel...come in...over.

I almost don't know where to start. I did the thing for A&E. I did the thing for Discovery channel. Still no idea when either will air or if the A&E people are putting the segment on the shoot in their documentary. Once I find out what the fuck is going on, I will post air dates etc.

The show at The Arclight is happening. Click here for details. I have been crazy trying to get ready for it. In the midst of preparing, I had a hard drive failure (to the tune of $1500 in binary recovery and IT guy services not to mention 3 weeks of hardcore stressing that I might have lost a good deal of ALL of my photography work as I had not backed up any of my PSDs or the last 7 shoots I did bc I was so busy) and got canned (I do not ever recommend working for a cokehead) within the same weekend at the end of May which was fun. Not only did I have to scramble to get a loan to help pay for this exhibit but also as a nestegg to help me live for a while as I am trying as hard as I can to make photography my living. It is so hard to work your ass off for free FOR A YEAR building your portfolio, have these great things happen for you and then have to take some administrative job for shit pay working for yet another uptight jerkoff with control issues and bad hygiene. But in the end, bills do need to get paid and children do need to get fed so I will do what I have to do to get by.

My boyfriend moved out. He was here for two months after I ended it. It was the hardest thing to watch someone who used to hold all of the love in my heart completely lose their glow. I had given him chance after chance after chance and not only did he repeatedly choose drugs over me but he slowly became a bitter angry person who drank way too much and became reclusive. It even got the point where he would embarrass and insult me in front of our friends. I know that the right thing was to end it and throw him out. I know that. But it still hurts. And of course, the day before he moves out, low and behold, he became the guy I fell in love with. The guy I hadn't seen in about 6 months. Why does that always happen?? It makes it so much harder. But what is done is done. And the band plays on.

Craziness has ensued now that I am a single girl again. I am not sure it is legal to share all of the debauchery. I definitely will not have trouble finding people to have fun with, that's for sure but let me tell you, I have never understood how people can love being single. I mean, having variety is nice (hello 27 yr old texan with body of a greek god, hello 22 yr old actor, hello 28 yr old documentary film maker with giant unit, hello cute latina who thinks I am the cats meow, hello hot fun couple who makes me feel like a goddess) but I really love being in a relationship. I love having that one person who checks in with you everyday, that person who you can't wait to see or have to call when you see something hysterical. That someone who fits you perfectly when you curl up next to him in bed. The person who finishes your sentences and laughs at your stupid jokes. The one who looks at you as adorningly when you are in your jammies and no makeup as he does when you are dressed to the nines. Someone who pampers you when you're sick and who prefers to come over and watch Netflix with you when you can't go out than go out with his buddies. Someone to grow old with and know that when you look into each other's faces in 50 years that you were part of every laugh line and wrinkle in time.

Yeah, that's nice.

posted by Rachel @ 12:39 PM