ground control to rachel...earth to rachel...come in...over.

In the spirit of Christmas...

I am filled with the desire to give. The day to day worries of making ends meet and whether or not I am being the best possible mother/woman/friend/human being I can possibly be have miraculously quieted to a dull drone in the back of my mind and given way to a giddy child-like anticipation. I feel like I have acquired a gift for someone and I know they are going to love it and I cannot wait to give it to them, the anticipation killing me and the corners of my mouth cannot refrain from turning up at the thought of finally being able to see the reaction when the gift is received. Today I made several calls to local domestic violence shelters and sent several emails to directors of domestic violence programs and have set the ball rolling to fulfill my dream of giving back to those suffering what I have survived. No one can understand what it is like to lose yourself, your control, your identity, your power and worst of all, your love and belief in yourself, to another person. Their control an unwavering force keeping your prisoner in a place you are sure you will not survive. I survived. Others can too. If through my Sirens work, I can give ONE woman just enough self confidence to get her moving in the direction of survival, I will die a happy and fulfilled human being. Just the notion of this is filling me with such joy and reverance that I cannot adequately put it into words. I become overwhelmed with emotion. The words come and sometimes, even now, eight years later, I am struck with the realization of how serious and big what I have been through actually was. How big it is for so many women out there now. Right now. I was them. It hurts my heart that they are out there and I am so blessed and so incredibly lucky to be in a position to somehow have something to offer these women. I hope that I can reach them, at least one, just one and help her see her inner beauty, her inner strength, to show her another has come out okay and that she can too. This is what I am asking Santa for this year. This is the huge present I am wishing for.

Merry Christmas!

posted by Rachel @ 8:49 AM