***Disclaimer: I hereby waive responsibilty for any typos or discriminatory fueled statements made in the fgollowing rant due to alcohiol consumtption:
Today I took The Test. The one I have been waiting dfor for 3 months. Good ole' Real Estate Salesperson/Broker test and I am failry sure I failed it because I am a dumbass. Not in the lack of intelligence way but in the procrastinating assuminfg way. I am not a good Tester. I can write a 5 star essay but give me a test and I blank out. I was planning on going to the 2 day crash live course and mnaturally waited til the last minute to discover they were all sold out and had been months in adfvance. Krickey. So I was stuck getting the downlaidable homestudy sofrtware. Well slap me Sally if the fucking program didn't have abojt 1500 questions and I had less than a week to study. Need less to say, I didn't pass the practice exams.
I got to the test location downtown no troubnle. The lady or proctor (Why does that make me feel like she is going to slip on latex gloves and search my body cavities?) was a dead ringer for the lady in grease, you know Blanche's bossy sidekick, except she was black and like 60. Sassy ole gal with a no nonsense attirude. Loved to ask if anyone had amny questions and then jump down your throat with a..."I haven't gotten to that yet, have I?" To which I had to smartoff with "Well, I assumed you were finished with instructions since you said you were finisdhed with instructions and asked if there were questions." To which I was met by a steely glare and silencce which is always fun in front of an audience of about 60 people.
The assortment of folk that came in for this test was astounding. We had your young kids fresh out of high school, your older folk who were on their 18th career change, your wiggers, their counterpart bitches and a few snooty peopple mixed in with the normal folk. I was one of three people who actually dressed for the occasion. I didn;t know it was laundry day for everyone else.
Apparently Christina Aguilera's equally fasion inclined older cousin was there and I think she was there trying to get out of the hooking industry. Not that I have anything against whores but honestl;y, proper hygeine is appreciated by the general public. I could and bear yourselves people, smell her pussy. *gag* It was like bad cooter on my upper lip. I had to ask to change seats it was so nauseating. The girl next to me and I even exchanged Can you smell what I think I smell? looks. So I got seated across the room where I got to sit in front of this extremely considerate gal who was reading outloud under her breath. It;'s like trying to fall alseep with the reasonating soundf of the bathroom sink dripping. I wwas about to stick my pencil in her eye when this deafening alarm went off. Yup the fire alarm. First thing I thought of was 9/11!! You didn;t have to ask me twice to get out of there. I sprang out of my seat so fast I am sure all you could see was a blur rushing by you. We filed down the fire escape and to 9th street. The fire trucks came and went...we went back upstairs to find it was a false alarm. They gavre us the option to leave and retake the test without penalty but fuck I was more than halfway done and wanted to get it over with so I stayed. For the rest of the 45 minutes it took for me to complete the exam, the fire alarm lights were flickering above us. Very distracting. So between Bad Cooter, Whisper Bitch and Light Flicker Room and obviously not being properly prepared, it looks like I am riding the unemployment train a little longer. Oh well. Gives me a chance to focus on our holiday party and get certified in pilates insruction.
Oh if any of you regulars are in the LA area and want to come to our Xmas party on 12/18, email me and I'll send you an invite....unless you're creepy.
OK time for margarita induced nap before i hit the lesbo bars tonight.
posted by Rachel @ 5:51 PM
4 Comments:
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