I have decided that unemployment has its perks. The light was glimpsed when I had to go to a temp agency for my first time. Everyone seems to rave about how easy it is to get jobs through temp agencies. OK, so I went. I had to sit through a 45 minute training video using giganormous headphones that made me feel like I was 6 years old listening to my parents 8 track. Training video on how to be a TEMP? Uhhh ok. So the video had this horrible actor playing none other than Sherlock Holmes and was enthuisiasticly talking to the camera (ie the viewer) as if it (we/I) were Watson. Some wild haired blonde with bad costume jewelry and an outfit suited only for trailer parks in Alabama played the cookie cutter bad temp and a prim and proper brunette with her hair pulled tightly in a bun and what seemed like a metal rod placed just as tightly up her ass played the good temp.
As I endured this horrifying video for the duration of the longest 45 minutes of my natural life, I had to answer questions on a quiz they gave me. I distinctly remember one of the lessons talking about how a temp should never perform a task or job that causes them stress or emotional anguish. I can live with that. Seems logical. Don't be stressed, don't do more than what you have been hired to do, don't stand on boxes or a swivel chair to reach things high up, don't walk on oil spots in the parking garage or you'll end up like Millie...got it. Check, check, check and check.
So, after a few weeks of turning down interviews for slave labor at slave pay rates, I got a call for what seemed like a pretty cool opportunity. If you don't already know this, my long term goal is to become a psychologist. I would love to do this but as a single parent, it is very difficult to go to college, raise a kid, work and live. So school always gets set aside. It took me three years to get my AA...oh wait that's right, I am 3 classes AWAY from my AA so technically, it took me 3 years to ALMOST get my AA. *snort* Even better. Yay, and I didn't think I could feel worse today. Thanks Me.
ANYWAY so this job is for a part time office manager position working with a group of psychologists who STUDY homosexuality. Whoa. Cool! How interesting would that be. I went to the webpage and glanced over it while my son had a sugar attack behind me. Cool ok yeah I'll check it out. Once I get to the interview, I could tell I was in for it. It was the smallest office I have ever seen. Three women sharing a space the size of my kitchen. I wonder if they are all on the same menstrual cycle. What? It could happen. So, the lady loved me, so much so that she started "venting" and talking shit to me about how incompotent the other two women in the office are. Nice. The interview was going well until she handed me a 3 page packet and told me to type it exact. OK. As my fingers are pounding the keyboard, I am slowing my pace and my heart starts beating faster...What the.... These crazy motherfuckers BELIEVE that homosexuality is a MENTALL ILLNESS that can be cured through TREATMENT and FAITH. (Just go ahead and throw the two things that will set me off on a heated debate with anyone who will go head to head with me....heh, I said HEAD)
OH MY CUNNILINGUS.
My mind was racing. My sexual encounters with women started flashing in my mind like a music video. I think I caught myself smirking.
Main Entry: oral sex
Function: noun
: oral stimulation of the genitals : CUNNILINGUS : FELLATIO
Source: Merriam-Webster Medical Dictionary, © 2002 Merriam-Webster, Inc.
oral sex
n : oral-genital stimulation; "they say he gives good head" [syn: head]
Pussy. Eat pussy. Lick it. Sweet candy. Tits. Biting. Tickle. Cute little toes. Curves. Soft skin. Hair cascading over my belly as her mouth moves down......I could not stop the train of thought...the inevitable pattern of thought spiraling further into my own perversions. Chuckling to myself I thought of taking the job and coming into work with the scent of a female lover still on my chin.
I almost walked out. Morally I could not deal with the idea of working for such a bullshit organization that I adamantly oppose.
So unemployment it is. I'll keep my unemployment and my self esteem thank you. I mean I'm not a hardcore liberalist or anything but being half gay and not choosing to be this way, just BEING this way, I couldn't in good conscience take the job.
The temp agency is pissed at me now which is funny because I do believe it was THEM who made me sit through a 45 minute video on what my rights and limitations are and once I exercise it, they blow me off.
Nothin like a lil hypocrisy in the mornin.
posted by Rachel @ 11:56 AM
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